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Losing a baby

In the UK about 4000 babies every year are stillborn – the baby is already dead when it is born. About the same number die soon after birth. Often the causes of these deaths are not known.

 

If you lose a baby like this, you are likely to feel very shocked. But you and your partner may find it comforting to see and hold your baby and give your baby a name. You may also like to have a photograph of your baby and to keep some mementos such as a lock of hair or the shawl the baby was wrapped in. 

 

All this can help you and your family to remember your baby as a real person and can, in time, help in coming to terms with your loss. Many hospitals have a bereavement counsellor who will help you to find the best way for you and your partner to cope with your loss.

 

One of the first questions you are likely to ask is why your baby died. The doctors and midwives may not know. A post-mortem examination is usually advised and this may help to find out, although it doesn’t always provide the answer. Most hospitals will offer you an appointment with the consultant who can explain to you what is known. If you are not offered an appointment, you can ask for one.

 

It may also help to talk about your feelings with other parents who have lost a baby in a similar way. SANDS (the Stillbirth and Neonatal Death Society) is an organisation that can put you in touch with other parents who can offer friendly help.

 

You may well want to arrange a cremation, funeral or service. You should be able to do so. If the baby was lost after 24 weeks, the loss will need to be officially registered as either a death or a stillbirth.

If you want to arrange a funeral or cremation and your baby was lost before 24 weeks, you will need a certificate from the hospital. Talk to your midwife or doctor about what you want to do and to find out what arrangements are available locally. You could also consult the hospital chaplain or rabbi or your own religious adviser.

Saying goodbye to your babyA funeral or some other way of saying goodbye may be a very important part of coming to terms with your loss, however early it happens. If your baby dies after 24 weeks of pregnancy the hospital must provide a death certificate and arrange a burial or cremation. If you would like to arrange it yourself or organise a service you can do that. Just speak to the ward staff and they will tell you what the arrangements are in your hospital.

 

Information provided by Health Promotion England.