Supporting your partner

Something amazing is happening inside your partner’s body. The closer you can get to her, the more you’ll be able to share this experience. But at times closeness will seem impossible.

In the early weeks she may be prickly and irritable about the slightest things. Certain smells and tastes may make her nauseous. She may want only to sleep.

In the middle months you’ll probably find that much of her energy returns and she may resent being treated ‘like china’.

Towards the end the weight of the baby may drag her down. The tiredness and irritability of the early weeks often returns and she may start feeling quite frightened of the birth and be lonely without the company of friends at work.

If your partner is anxious, encourage her to talk about it. Many women are more used to listening than being listened to, so it may take a while before she feels able to open up. Be patient – the better you can learn to support each other now, the stronger your relationship will be when the baby arrives.

Practical support

Your partner may be used to doing most of the housework as well as going out to work. If she continues to do all this work she’ll tire herself out. Now is the time to start sharing the housework if you don’t already do so. There are two areas where you can really help:

Cooking – in the early months the smell may put her off and if you cook she’s more likely to eat what she needs;
Carrying heavy shopping can put a lot of strain on her back, so try to do the shopping yourself or together.

Pregnancy and parenting

A friend in need

Pregnancy can be frightening so it will help if she knows that she’s not alone. Start by reading the rest of this book with her so that you’re both well informed. Some of the basic health advice is just as important for you as it is for her.

Good eating is much easier if you’re doing it together, so read pages and start picking up the food habits you’ll want to pass on to your child.
Cigarette smoke is dangerous for babies. If you are a smoker read page 13 on how to stop.
If you continue to smoke, don’t smoke near your partner, don’t offer her cigarettes and don’t leave your cigarettes lying around.
Go with her to the doctor if she’s worried, or be sure to talk it through when she gets home.
Be there if she has a scan and see your baby on the screen.
If she needs to have extra tests your support is especially important.
Find out about antenatal classes for couples, or fathers’ evenings at the hospital. The more you know about labour, the more you’ll be able to help.
Most men stay with their partners during labour but it’s important that you’re both happy about it. If you prefer not to be present, talk to your partner. You may be able to think of a friend or relative who could accompany her instead.
Talk about what you both expect in labour.
Talk about the birth plan. Fill it in together so you know what she wants and how you can help her achieve it. Support her if she changes her mind during labour. Be flexible.
During labour she’ll be far too involved with what’s happening inside to pay much attention to the people around her. You can be her guide and interpreter.

Paternity leave

Speak to your Human Resources department or your boss about the paternity leave entitlement in your company. More employers are now realising that partners need time off work when they have a new baby.

The birth – being prepared

A checklist for the final weeks.

Make sure your partner can contact you at all times.
Decide how you’ll get to the hospital (if you’re having a hospital birth).
If you’re using your own car, make sure it works, has petrol and do a trial run to see how long it takes.
Remember to pack a bag for yourself including snacks, a camera and film, and change for the telephone.

Information provided by Health Promotion England.