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Your feelings about pregnancy

Your partner may have similar feelings. It’s normal for both of you to feel like this. Your first pregnancy is a very important event. It will change your life and change can be frightening even if it’s something you’ve been looking forward to.

 

Money problems may be nagging at you – the loss of an income for a while, extra expenses for the baby and, if your partner returns to work, the cost of childcare. You may be worrying that your home isn’t right or that you’ll feel obliged to stay in a job you don’t like. (It might help to look at the rights and benefitssection and start planning ahead.)

 

Some men feel left out. Your partner’s attention will be on what’s happening inside her and she may want you to pay a lot more attention to her needs than usual. You may not have realised how much you relied on her to make you feel cared for and now that her attention is elsewhere you may feel quite lonely.

 

Your loneliness may be increased if your partner doesn’t want to make love, although some women find sex more enjoyable than ever. It varies from person to person. There’s usually no medical reason to avoid sex, but keep in mind:

  • her breasts in the early weeks may be extremely painful;
  • if there’s any bleeding or pain avoid intercourse (and consult your doctor);
  • make sure your partner is comfortable – you may need to try different positions as the pregnancy progresses.
  • If she’s not interested in sex, try to find other ways of being close, but do talk about it. If she feels that you’re trying to persuade her to do something she doesn’t want, she may withdraw completely leaving both of you lonely.

Some men find it hard to make love during pregnancy. They feel strange doing it with ‘someone else there’ or may find their partner’s changing shape disturbing. This is one situation when it helps to be careful what you say. Your partner may well feel uneasy about her changing body and may be very hurt if she thinks that you don’t like it either.

 

‘When the test was positive, I felt really excited, on a real high. We couldn’t wait to tell everyone.’

‘It was a shock at first, but now I’m getting used to the idea. We didn’t plan it, but there’s no problem with that. If it had been three years ago, when we first started living together, obviously it would have been a lot worse financially. That’s the main factor.’ 

 

Talk about it

Confide in friends who are already fathers and will know what you’re going through. You may want to protect your partner from your worries but she will almost certainly sense your concern. The more you keep it to yourself, the more she’ll feel that you’re moving away from her – just when she badly needs you to be there. If you’re giving her the support she needs, then there’s no need to leave your feelings out of the picture. 

 

Physical feelings

Believe it or not, men can get symptoms of pregnancy too! The most commonly reported ones are sleeplessness, indigestion and nausea. They are probably caused by stress, but are no less uncomfortable for that.

 

Information provided by Health Promotion England.